Have You Heard the One About the Endomorph?

Body types: we see them everywhere we go. We notice the skinny girl at the mall, the buff dude at the gym, and the fat guy at Starbucks. It’s just part of life. But, have you ever stopped to think about yourself?

We are all our own worst critic: well I know I am of myself. I have never looked the way I want to look. I may have been happy once or twice about my appearance, but for the most part, I’m never satisfied. I am always comparing myself, wanting to look like “HIM.” You know, the proverbial Adonis-like “HIM” with bulging biceps, a strong powerful chest, and the abs of Michelangelo’s “David?” It could be because I am gay that I yearn for that god-like, envious physique. Or maybe it’s because I grew up “the fat kid.” OR maybe it’s just because I am shallow. Who knows? I DO know that I am “lucky” enough to have the worse body type ever: the Endomorph.

Yes friends, tis true. I admit it now: I am Jeff and I am an Endomorph. There really should be a 12-step program for us. For those of you not familiar with the three main body types, here is a brief summary. Some doctor guy somewhere came up with explaining and naming the three main, distinct body types: ectomorph, mesomorph, endomorph. The ectomorph is the ‘skinny bitch’ of the three types. This is the person who is slim, lanky, lean, and never gains a pound: we hate them. My older and younger brothers are this type. Try growing up with someone who could eat ANYTHING, never exercise, and NEVER gain a friggin’ pound. Therapy anyone? These are the lean guys who complain, “I just can’t gain muscle! I am too skinny.” Too skinny? Are you freaking kidding me??? Is there such a thing in this day and age? I beg to differ. I digress…

The next body type in our cavalcade is the mesomorph: the grand poobah of the types. This is the one EVERYONE wants to be: the popular kid in school, the king of the jungle, the boss, the “HIM.” This is the guy who has a small waist, a big broad chest, and can add lean muscle mass in his sleep. He is the one people call “ripped,” “jacked,” “stacked,” “yoked”….you get the idea. We REALLY hate this guy…and I would give ANYTHING to BE this dude. Lucky bastards! If you are blessed with this body type I envy you more than any lottery winner: you have hit the jackpot of a lifetime. These guys can gain and lose weight easily and rapidly. Oh, and they can obtain a six-pack in the blink of an eye. Have I told you how much I hate these guys? Yes I am jealous, who wouldn’t be?

Lastly, is the bottom of the barrel of body types and the one I am oh so fortunate to be a member of: the endomorph. These are my people. We tend to carry our weight in our lower abdomen, butt, thighs, hips, and usually have a spare tire or love handles. We can gain weight just by thinking of food, and have high fat storage systems: if that isn’t an advantage I don’t know what is. We are the fat kids, the “chunky monkeys,” the butt of many jokes. Losing weight for us is a constant battle. The idea of having a six-pack is as foreign as the idea of walking to China, barefoot, in full armor, with a unicorn on our backs: pretty unattainable. I have read it’s not COMPLETELY impossible, but either is reversing the greenhouse effect. As an endomorph I have worked really hard to change certain things about my physique, but my problem areas always remain the same: just above my waist to the top of my knees. Yup, I exhibit classic endomorph symptoms. OK, I admit I tend to be hypersensitive and borderline obsessed about all things body related. Can you blame me? I live in L.A., the most body conscious place in the universe. I work in television, DAYTIME television to be exact, an industry where body image is constantly discussed, ridiculed, and gossiped about. AND I am a gay, single, thirty something man. It’s a triple threat: an across the board compulsion. I can’t deny it. I TRY to focus on other things, but this topic always seems to rear its ugly head.

So what does one do? Well you could start a blog to purge all of your feelings into cyberspace. You could run six miles a day first thing in the morning before work, for me that would be 4:30am, on an empty stomach. You could count every calorie, eat chicken breasts and veggies for every meal and obsessively think about what you are putting into your mouth at all times. OR, you could just make peace with it, eat whatever you want, and become a big ole’ lard ass. I would LIKE to think I am balancing all three of these, but it can get overwhelming. For the record, I try to eat 5 small meals a day, train with a trainer 2 times a week, and do an hour of cardio 2-3 times a week. I also try to watch what I eat, but on the weekends sometimes there is nothing like a burrito or a couple of chocolate chip cookies. Do the other body types think this way? Are they, in some ways envious of me? I guess I will never know, BUT that’s just me. Oh, have I mentioned I’m also a Gemini?

Another blog entry for another time……